Mentally Overcoming A Sh*tty Situation
Soooooo I was planning on writing an article how amazing my time in New Orleans (it was amazing) but instead this past week I’ve been consumed with the ticket I received while driving the last leg of the road trip. A ticket is bad but when it fucks up a trip to New Orleans... it really sucks. I had a great time with great people yet here I am, left with a bad taste in my mouth. I was withdrawn for most of the past week, left without the will to start or participate in conversations or do anything resembling fun. All I could think about was, “what am I going to do?” Do I need to hire a lawyer? How is this going to affect my future? Is my insurance going to go up? Even though I’ve never gotten a ticket or even stopped by police I’ve made changes to my behavior so as to not have anything else held against me when I make the 4 hour drive out to Roanoke to fight this. It’s honestly taken me four or five days for it to not take up majority of my thoughts. In that time I realized there are ways for me to handle these pervasive and borderline obsessive thought patterns when dealing with the unknown. If they helped me they might help you, so I think it’s worth me writing about.
Understanding you can’t go back-
This is definitely easier said than done...well all of these are easier said than done. But this one in particular helped me to not dwell on the incident itself. As soon as the cop handed me the ticket and drove off there’s nothing I could do to stop from getting the ticket. You can be mad at yourself, at the cop, at the road signs but none of that changes the fact you’re sitting there with that scrap of paper. Of course this doesn’t happen immediately and you always try to rationalize why you shouldn’t be in the position you’re in or that it shouldn’t have happened to you. But you have to fully realize that there are no time machines and the only way is forward.
Talking about it-
Look closely, it says talk about it, not complain about it. Those are two very different things. At first you have to complain about it, it feels like the right thing to do in that moment. I did my fair share of complaining but I soon realized, it only dug that negative, anxiety riddled hole deeper and deeper. When you complain about the situation I can feel my internal locus of control (basically my perception that I control my life, life doesn’t just happen to me) drifting further and further away. That’s a terrible place to be, letting life and it’s happenings dictate my mood and happiness in not a state I can exist in. Talking about it and not internalizing these feelings helped me a great deal. Having people you can confide in or just explain your situation to is a good way to work through your emotions on the topic with someone else. They can verify your legitimate concerns but it also help you to understand when you’re being irrational. The difficulty is taking steps to address your irrational thinking. For some people this is practically impossible but realizing you have unfounded concerns can change your perception of the situation and make the burden slightly easier to bear.
Practicing gratitude-
I’ve heard about a study that shows it is impossible to simultaneously feel sorry for yourself and be grateful for what you have. Full disclosure I’m not putting any effort into confirming my memory so take it with a grain of salt. Either way the whole being grateful thing sounds a helluva lot better than feeling sorry for myself. Everyday for this past week I’ve tried to run through all the things I’m grateful for, from my family, to my friends,to the fact that my allergies haven’t flared up yet and I can still successfully breath out of my nose. I initially thought this wasn’t really going to help. I thought that I’d be all, “I’m so grateful for my rugged good looks and championship-caliber personality,” and immediately afterwards I’d be right back to being consumed by the ticket. But surprisingly it helped. Just a little bit at first. That small break being happy and grateful made me more aware of just how consumed with this I was. Like that first ray of sunshine after a week of shit weather you realize just how shit your thinking was. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t walk around being grateful for everything but I now try to give myself a break every morning. I just mentally go over 5 or 6 things I’m truly grateful for and it has really helped.
Doing something about it-
This is probably the biggest and most difficult step to manage because it involves action. It involves taking back the loss of control that has put you in the mental hole you’re trying to climb out of. In my case I tried to gather as much information as possible about my situation and what I needed to do. I contacted a lawyer for a free consultation (I get why they’re free it’s been almost a week without an email) in a effort to prepare myself for what’s to come. This step varies depending on the situation you are in but taking a step in the right direction to change your situation always feels better than doing nothing.
Well, I hope this helps somebody or at the very least all you nosey people can be the voyeurs that social media wants you to be. Everybody’s situations are different and you could be dealing with problems larger than mine, but I feel like these are things I plan on continuing to incorporate in my life and think everyone should at least give them a try. Wish me luck as I try to not ruin each and every day for the next two months while I wait for this whole thing to be over.