Presents, Presence, and Pre...P...Preznance?
I haven’t written a blog in a while and it’s not that I haven’t been doing anything blog worthy. I’ve had some quite notable experiences (trust me, I’m interesting. No, no don’t ask anyone just trust me!). But over the past couple of weeks I’ve really tried to be present in what I’m doing not constantly worried about how to document it. It’s kind of like just watching fireworks, truly just enjoying the moment versus trying to capture the perfect moment through an iphone screen (you know who you are). Trying to document takes away from the actual activity you’re doing. If I was at my friend’s wedding looking around at every little thing thinking about what I could write about A) I’d be absolutely ZERO fun and B) I’d miss the actual experience of the wedding. I think people value presence differently and I’d like to talk about that.
People like to blame the invention of the smartphone for people’s inability to stay present in everyday life. While it’s for sure not helping, the lack of presence has been going on forever. We’ve all been having a conversation with someone and you slowly realize you might as well be talking to one of those cute little bonsai trees cause apparently that can help them grow, but not like too much because they obviously have to stay desk-top size. (Sidenote: you know those things can be ridiculously old, like I’m talking hundreds of years old. Like you think cause they’re all small and stuff they’d be young, but nah.) They don’t have to be on their phone, they don’t have to be watching tv, they could be looking you in the goddamn eyes and be thinking about whether those Hot Pockets in their freezer are technically burritos or not. Some people’s complete inability to even pretend to be present and try to listen a conversation is downright embarrassing.
With the addition of smartphones to practically everyone’s life, we’ve put Pandora’s Box-O-Distractions in our pockets and we can’t wait to open it. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve literally just sat down somewhere and I reach into my pocket for my phone before my ass has even touched the seat. I don’t even think about it. Just a “Aw this seat is pret...oh Twitter!” I don’t even like Twitter, it’s the equivalent to 100 people standing around watching 5 people argue while one other person screams witty jokes over the noise of intense verbal combat. But yet there I am scrolling endlessly trying to pretend like I’m not just avoiding the possibility that I could have to interact with someone who’s physically near me. Even while writing this article the ease in which I switch over to the Facebook tab on my computer or pick up my phone and check Instagram is honestly pretty sad. I can’t just write. I can’t focus on being present enough to focus on the words and sentences that should come next.
There was story/allegory/metaphor (not really sure how to classify this) I heard a while ago that really stuck with me about mindfulness and even though I’ve probably bastardized it in my memory I’m going to give it a shot. It’s about a boy who was doing his chores. After he finished a chore his mother would let him go to the peach tree outside and pick one to eat as a reward. His first chore was washing dishes from the night before. He had a mountain of dishes that would take some time to do and all he could think about was that peach. How amazing it will be when he gets to climb the tree. How he’ll pick the best, most ripe fruit. How sweet and amazing it will be when he finally gets to eat it. He’s so focused on the peach he does a terrible job cleaning the dishes, but he finishes them. He runs outside climbs the tree and picks the best peach he can find and as soon as he bites into it all he can think about is all the laundry he has to wash for his next chore.
While that’s probably a terrible recollection of the original (as I couldn’t pinpoint where I’d originally heard it to refresh my memory) I think this retelling serves the same purpose. What I pulled from that story was two things: One, the boy was so focused on what was going to happen (the peach) that he wasn’t present and therefore was terrible at what he was actually doing (the dishes). If you are doing something just do that thing. If you are washing dishes, wash dishes don’t try and solve relationship/work problems, end world hunger, or try to reunite Drake & Josh. If you stay focused and present you can actually try and do a good job at whatever you’re doing, this includes interpersonal relationships. The second thing I learned is that practicing being present for the things you don’t necessarily want to be present for will condition you to be present during the things you actually enjoy. In the story, the boy was so caught up his potential reward while doing the dishes that when he actually got the peach his brain was already on to the next thing. Worse, that thing was laundry, like who wants to be thinking about laundry? But seriously, if we’re always thinking about what comes next when you’re doing something you enjoy you’re never going to be able to fully enjoy it.
The whole mindfulness and presence, thing is probably the biggest reason for my personal blog drought over the past couple of weeks (with a hint of general laziness). I wanted to be present at my friend’s wedding, at my family gatherings, and in my work, not always looking what I could write about. It’s always going to be a work in progress but I’m trying which is all anybody can ask. Hopefully my return was worth you clicking on this and I hope you were present while reading this, but let’s be honest if you got this far you probably checked your phone at least once maybe twice, posted to your Insta/Snap story, or started and won at least two imaginary arguments about hypothetical situations.
Your presence is a gift, give it freely. I know that’s such a pretentious thing to end on but whatever my this is my blog and I’ll end with a double entendre if I want to. Well, I’m actually ending by justifying said double entendre. Ok, well, peace out, for real this time.