The Two Things We're Never Supposed to Talk About

What’s the two things we’ve been told never to talk about? Religion and Politics. What’s everyone talking about nowadays? Religion and Politics. What does the vast majority of people not know how to have a civil discussion about? Religion and Politics.

We have been so underprepared to talk about these two things that have been recently thrust into the forefront of conversation.  If we were encouraged to talk about these things and not just told as kids, “It’s rude to talk about that stuff” we’d be better at it. Imagine that? If you practice something you get better at it... what a strange concept. Many people have had little to no practice talking about these things and have instead kept their ideas and beliefs close to themselves. Nurturing them, watching them grow and develop without the resistance they need to make them strong. Their ideas develop weak and wobbly like Bambi when he was slipping on the ice (you know before his mom died, the happy part). They have a false sense of security because no one’s ever said their ideas suck, because they’ve never given anyone that opportunity.

Once their ideas in these two areas reach critical mass, people become concrete in their beliefs and extremely resistant to change. You begin finding people that agree with you and start identifying as whatever that belief tells you you should (Liberal, Conservative, etc...).  Now you can only talk to people that believe the exact same thing you do, to the exact same degree in which you do because otherwise you feel the conversation is an attack on you as a person. Now if someone disagrees with you they don’t just disagree with a belief or idea, they are disagreeing with a part of you. You, as a person feel attacked and defend yourself as such. Nothing productive comes of this cycle.

Having productive conversations where neither of your identities are involved and it’s just the ideas at stake needs to become standard. Once identity is involved there can be no compromise. Ideas have to stand alone with their own supporting evidence. If new evidence is provided you have to evaluate it against your current position and not just reject it because it doesn’t fit your narrative.

Because we have kept our beliefs to ourselves for most of our lives, we are so vastly unprepared to talk about them on the platform that is social media. (Forget about in person, some people won’t even have electronic, internet based conversations with people because of their political or religious beliefs.) A lot of times social media interactions aren’t even attempts to start dialogue it's just one attempt after another at a one liner or mic drop, praying you get likes from “your side.” I’ve never seen one of those terrible facebook comment conversations ever end with, “Wow that’s a great point, I never thought about that, I’m going to evaluate my opinion and get back to you.” It usually ends with “Snowflake”, “Racist”, “Cuck”, “Libtard”, “Homophobe” all really great things to say if you want an amicable ending.

I think it’s a terrible state to be in that you are better at defending your favorite movie than your beliefs on gun rights. That you are more likely to have a broad thesis about whether pineapple belongs on pizza versus an informed stance immigration. Why do we have in depth conversations involving statistics and variables about whether Lebron can surpass Jordan but we can’t take the time to even discuss the global and domestic implications of certain political decisions? I just don’t get it. We should be prepared to talk about difficult topics not shut them out. Be open to new ideas and not let our cognitive bias take over. If someone's opinions and beliefs aren’t based on fact maybe instead of resorting to the current trend of ad hominem attacks, try to point them in the right direction. While it can be dangerous when people, especially those in power, have misguided beliefs, attacking them doesn’t make them change, it makes them double down. It solidifies and confirms the necessity of “othering” that has insulated them for so long.

While I don’t think this article will solve anything I want it to be a reminder for myself the next time I enter into conversation with someone with opposing views. To realize that their beliefs may be an integral part of their identity and that’s why they’re lashing out. To not resort to ad hominem attacks. To be aware of my cognitive bias and do my best to evaluate their beliefs to the same extent I want them to evaluate mine. But most importantly to be able to walk away from the conversation with not anger but mutual understanding, even if that understanding it that the two of us will always disagree.