I May Be A Terrible Friend...

As Father’s Day passes there’s been a lot of introspection going on about relationships, obviously the father-child relationship being the big one. We take a step back to think of the things our dads have done for us and inevitably show everyone on Facebook how photogenic they were in the 70s and 80s.

Just a quick side note, and I know this topic has been played out, but why in the hell do people post, “love you dad” posts on media platforms he’s not even on? Why don’t you go and hang out and actually talk to him, not try and prove to everyone that you love your dad through some nostalgic picstitch on Instagram.

Alright we’re back on track now...

Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are both times of the year that are set aside so we can think back on the sacrifices parents have made in making us the people we are today. You think of everything they’ve done for you from paying the bills when you were little, working two jobs when they needed to, putting up with the “I’m 13, I’m practically a grown up” phase. We take the time on those days to just say "thank you". My question to myself is, “How often do I do that for other people in my life?” The answer is, not often enough.

Whether it’s with siblings, or friends, or coworkers there’s a tendency I have, to focus on what I’ve done for others and compare it to what I think they’ve done for me (I reeeally hope I’m not the only one cause the rest of this article is about to make me sound suuupppeerr self centered). If I’m being honest in a lot of my relationships I feel like I’m always the one making a compromise. That I’m always doing things for someone else and I’m not getting anything in return. I mean, it’s not the prominent thought, if that was the case I’d literally have zero friends, but the thought can pop up when I go WAY out of my way for someone.

Now you may be asking why I’m comparing Father’s Day to this weird personality flaw that I have. Well wait no longer, here's my “I have life all figured out accept me as your guru and life coach” answer. Father’s Day is that time of the year you stop and think about all the good things your dad has done for you, you’re not thinking about the time they didn’t buy into that impulse fad that you’d DIE if you didn’t get. You’re not thinking about the time they wouldn’t let you go see that rated-R movie by yourself. You’re not thinking about the time they wouldn’t let you go to the “sleepover” everyone knew wasn’t a sleepover. You focus on what they’ve done to help you. Even though I can do this on Father’s Day, I tend not to stretch this type of reflection into my daily life. If I could take the time to think of what people HAVE done without trying to compare it to what I believe I’ve done for them I’d probably have healthier relationships. We’ll never value our own time and the time of others the same so recognizing this fault and correcting how I weigh relationship might help me out.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” This quote by Teddy Roosevelt can be refering to a multitude of comparisons but to my point; if you compare what you put into a relationship to what you perceive the other person puts in you will be joyless (well maybe not joyless but it won’t be great). At the very least you’ll probably end up resenting that person. The expectations we set for perceived effort in friendships and relationships can be so unrealistic that even if they DO go out of their way, in that moment it still doesn’t seem like enough.

I hope I can help myself in two ways: One, take a step back every once in awhile and be thankful for what people have helped me with and what they've contributed to my life. And two, not have expectations after doing something for someone else. Do something because I have love for that person not because if I need help with something in the future I get to cash in a favor.

Hopefully I can carry things into the future and hey, maybe this helped you out...or I just exposed myself for being a terrible person...sorry everybody...um I didn’t really think this through did I...we can still be friends right? Please? Say something...